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The Tatler



WATERFRONT RAILWAY - MIGHT VERSES RIGHT, 21 July 1922


A subject that everybody is talking about does not require much in the way of explanatory introduction. As matters stand at present, it is evident that the Auckland Harbour Board does not consider that the lives and limbs of North Shore residents should claim consideration before the development and progress of the Port of Auckland. It has been strongly emphasised by many North Shoreites in public meetings and in daily press correspondence that they do not wish to block the advancement of the commercial side of Auckland's future, but that other methods might be adapted to further that end, other than setting up a death trap right at the principal portals of the Queen City of the North. Imagine as Queen City with an unsightly disfiguration writ upon her countenance. What a fine first impression a long, long trail of trucks barring the path would give to some of our overseas visitors! The present Harbour Board is undoubtedly a very loyal foster-parent to all unwanted children of its predecessors. Perhaps this accounts for the secrecy which has kept the general public ignorant of the Waterfront Railway Scheme for so many years. Commerce ofttimes necessitates vandalism, and many of our cherished beauty-spots have been ruthlessly swept away in the cause of £. s. p. The main issue, however, is that the proposed scheme should be flatly and continuously opposed until its instigator, the Harbour Board provide suitable means for Without risk of sacrificing there lives; an further, andthat any blockage of train traffic can be avoided by the provision of either subway or overhead crossings. It may seem a strong expression to use, but if any fatality occurs on the Waterfront Railway, after the warnings which have been given to the Board, it will be tantamount to premeditated manslaughter.



GAS AND WATER, 29 September 1922


Sir.- Wonders never cease! Only last evening I found myself treated to a fountain display when I turned on the bathroom gas jet. This morning the water supply at every tap is strongly impregnated with a foul smell of coal gas. I have heard of the amateur plumber who got his gas and water pipes accidentally transposed, but joking apart, some attention needs to be given to these important services and urgently too, or trouble will be brewing for somebody. Who wants water in his gas pipes, and a smell of gas in his water supply? As to the latter, I am confident that this is not the effect of over chlorination, which has quite a distinct and decidedly pleasanter flavour - yours etc. PERPLEXED


November 24 1922


They were discussing Kipling's "Jungle Book", "Impossible" said the girl with the bobbed hair. "How could a human being be cared for by wild animals in a jungle." "I don't know, though" said the young man with the jazzy socks. "Look at Jonah. He was brought up by a whale."


BIRKENHEAD LIMERICKS


There was an old man they call Payne,

Who said that he’d never again

Foot way down the bill;

He’d take the old bus in the rain


There was an old gent they called Wragge,

Who flew o’er his garden the Flag

He prophesied rain,

And storms on the Main;

O Tempests he emptied his bag.


There was a fine fellow called Clark,

And often I heard him remark,

That with hammer aloft

He hit the Iron Soft,

And banged from his anvil a spark


There once was a man they called Stowe;

He came from the banks of the Po.

Va Bene! Ecco!

Buon Giorno!

We wish you good luck, Amico.


There was a young lady call Kidd,

Who every day tried to get rid

Of tartlets and cakes

In various Makes,

‘Neath sheltering glass-covered lid.


There once a man they called Wallis;

There’s naught in that name to appal us.

In blouses and skirts

And ready-made shirts,

He Steadily strives to install us.

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